Day 12: Failure to look

It’s not uncommon for me to share something on a specific topic here one day and be challenged in that exact area the next—a clear-as-day reminder that anything worthwhile that gets tapped out on this keyboard isn’t mine to claim. If it’s good, if it’s true, if it speaks to you, it’s not me—it’s Him.

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:16-17)

I should have that written down somewhere I can’t miss it.

Remember yesterday? The “good all up in my face” day?

Today just happened to be one of those other days where I had to work harder to focus on the ups over the downs. And it’s silly because there was plenty of good to be thankful for. It wasn’t even a bad day.

But this rarely comes down to something as simple as “good day=grateful” versus “bad day=ungrateful”—not for me. It has everything to do with what’s going on in my heart and what I’m allowing to hold my attention.

I haven’t been sleeping all that well this week. And for a lot of the day today, I dwelled on my tiredness. The more I thought about how exhausted I was and whined about how exhausted I was (seems my kids learned from me, how about that?), the more depleted I felt. Instead of asking God for strength and refreshment in moments of need, I told myself to suck it up.

It didn’t help. I didn’t see God in the good things around me today because I refused to look. It seemed much more gratifying to stay wrapped up in me, me, me.

Hmm.

I almost didn’t share today’s writing at all because 1) it feels like a mess, and 2) it’s an admission of failure—failure to pay attention when my mission this month is to notice. I didn’t want to admit that instead of looking around, outward and upward, I had my eyes down, attention inward. But I think it’s important that I go ahead and share it anyway, in the interest of honesty and in order to move forward.

I’m as broken as the next person, but I see God redeeming our failures over and over.

And tomorrow is a new day.

I always let the Lord guide me.
Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices;
my body also rests securely.
(Psalm 16:8-9)

31 days square

This is week two of 31 days of paying attention, a month-long mission to document and give thanks for the everyday, mundane, and beautiful. It’s a series I’m writing for Write 31 Days, a yearly challenge in which bloggers pick one topic and write a post on that topic every day in October. 

Sign up here and I’ll send you a weekly series roundup each Monday!

 

 

 

 

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